"Today in New York marks the beginning of Fashion Week. Today an hour south in Philadelphia marks: Wing Bowl. That's just the duality of the two Americas we live in, folks. And I ask you, what would you rather look at pictures of? A bunch of malnourished 14-year-old adolescents in outfits that cost enough to feed a mid-sized Bangladeshi city? Or a bunch of fat 34-year-old adolescents filling their guts with enough wings to feed a mid-sized Bangladeshi city?"